Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
They took my balls.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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