Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize