I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize