He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize