You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
