Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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