you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
