all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
