definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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