WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You took a bar mat shot.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize
