too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Randomize