I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
how does that bad decision feel?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
