I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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