Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
sarcasm needs its own font
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
