I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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