just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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