end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
