Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
