one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
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