I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
only you would photoshop your dick
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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