i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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