they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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