I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
