If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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