I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
