am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
