Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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