Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
