would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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