even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
