omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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