dude i'm inner monologue high
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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