Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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