A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
