I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
