Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
