She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
