So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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