summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Randomize
