why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
