remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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