I'm so fucking centered right now
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
