Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
