I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
