Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I need to calm my uterus...
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
