I feel great
I just peed on a car
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
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