Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
