3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
