Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
