The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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