it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
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