I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
