No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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