rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
