if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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