Rock
Scissors
Fuck
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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