You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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