Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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