Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
