I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
