I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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