Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
