So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
