I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
