using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
