Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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