Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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