Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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