I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
There r osticjed everywhere
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
